Today has been a frustrating day because I procrastinate and bring so much junk on myself. I have been cleaning my own house, just dropping stuff off to whoever will take it. feeling good about that. It's the calm before the storm (before school starts that is). I feel like I'm in the nesting phase of a pregnancy, I'm busy, anxious and down right in need of this trip to Mexico! I'm stressing hard about leaving my kids'. Hoping that we will return to see them and hold them and to not be selfish and leave them to be parentless. That is my big fear! Then I get news that my father-in-law is basically going home to die. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, it seems a couple months ago and now he is quickly going toward heaven. I know that is where he will go. I felt like I could always say things how they were with him and he still liked me. That is hard to come by these days. He always asked me how my Dad was doing, knowing that I have a strained relationship with him. That was his way of holding me accountable and telling me that life is too short to be mad about past things. I learned that lesson from Mike. He is such a loving soul and I am terribly sad that his life is ending in this manner. I'm sad for Grace and Sulls (and many grandchildren for that matter) who aren't going to remember papa Mike. I'm very sad for my mother in law who has spent many years with this man and has been by his side in good times and not so good. I'm sad for my super loving husband who won't show it now, but will shed tears when Mike finally rests. Jamie and Mike really like one another. I don't do well with loss, not that I've had a whole lot of this kind of loss like death. It seems like I'm getting closer to having to deal with more and I'm so fearful. I am so glad I have known Mike for the past 12 years. I have always adored him.